I Just Can't Stop Loving You
by legend-of-stelena
Summary: My take on season 6 with a Stelena twist
1. I'll Remember

**Hello fellow Stelena community! Some of you may remember that last year, I did a season 5 Stelena rewrite. That story was much more successful than I ever thought it would be, so I said that if season 6 sucked, I would do a rewrite of that too. Needless to say, I did not like season 6; so here is my rewrite of it: Stelena Style. This is NOT a _"Stay With Me"_ Sequel. It doesn't continue with, follow, or refer back to that story AT ALL, so there's no need to read that to understand this. This is more like a companion to that other story, NOT a direct sequel. Just wanted to clarify that.  
 _Disclaimer:_ _I don't own TVD, because if I did, it would be less stupid and inconsistent_**

* * *

 _ **"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on.**_  
 ** _I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you."  
_** _ **-Jonathan Safran Foer**_

This was not healthy.  
Scratch that, this was _crazy._  
What were they _doing_ with themselves? This was not a good way to deal! They had this conversation over and over, they complained about it over and over.  
But they always had gone straight back to it.  
Elena sighed loudly and untangled herself from the sheets, instantly hit by the morning's cold air. She set herself on the traditional mission of finding her clothes, which were constantly scattered all across the room.  
What were they doing? What was she doing? This was such a huge mistake, a big mistake that she herself wasn't even sure how it began.  
And yet, for those few hours while they were, um, busy, she forgot about her grief. She forgot that Bonnie and Damon were dead with nothing to be done about it. For those few hours, her mind was always on-  
"Stefan!" she called out.  
He reemerged from the hallway wearing nothing but a pair of plaid pajama pants and a glass of water in his hand. "Yes, Elena?"  
"You ripped my top," she said, holding up the torn fabric. "Again."  
"In my own defense, you did the same thing last time."  
She rolled her eyes and let the fabric fall before picking up his shirt from the floor, putting it on her body. "Maybe we shouldn't do this any more."  
"You know I completely agree with you on that. I've already told you that, Elena. But you-"  
"Keep jumping right back into bed, I know." She put her face in her hand. "Because the truth is, this helps me forget, at least for a little while."  
"But it isn't healthy," he replied.  
Elena raised her eyebrows and gave him a glare. "You're just as much at fault here as I am, Stefan Salvatore. You agreed to it and you _kiss me back every single time._ You're not innocent here at all."  
"Well, I'm sorry I don't want to be a dick, Elena, and push you away like you mean nothing to me, because guess what? _You don't._ You mean something to me, and that something is not another thing I need to lose."  
They stood in silence for a moment before he finally spoke again.  
"Look at us, Elena. Bonnie and Damon's deaths changed us and made us into two terrible people who have no idea how to cope with grief. The old us wouldn't have just sat around having grief sex nearly every night, the old us would've-"  
"Dealt with it. In healthier ways. But don't you see, Stefan? We're not the old us! You have no idea how much I wish things could go back to the way they were: me as a human, Bonnie and Damon alive and you..."  
He looked up expectantly.  
"You not wallowing in your own grief," she finished, despite it not being exactly what she had wanted to say. "Changing the subject, this is done now. I have to go back to Whitmore for school, so we can say goodbye, go our separate ways and not have to be like this anymore. Deal?"  
He simply nodded and she looked for and took all her stuff.  
"Shall we put this behind us?" he asked when she had everything.  
Something twanged in her chest at the prospect of leaving him. But they both knew that this had to be done. This couldn't keep happening.  
"I suppose so," Elena finally replied. "Until next time. Goodbye Stefan."  
He gave a nod. "Goodbye Elena."  
Somewhere in the back of her mind, there was a whisper telling her not to turn around and walk out of that door, but to stay here and mend things.  
She pushed that voice farther away until she could finally ignore it.  
"I'll see you soon," she whispered so quietly that she didn't even think his vampire hearing picked it up.  
"I'll see you, Elena," he said after a few beats of silence, clearly implying that he heard her.  
She gave herself one last look at those never changing green eyes of his before she walked out of his house and back into her own life.

After she left, Stefan got dressed and gave himself a long hard look in the mirror.  
His own reflection didn't even look like him anymore. His skin looked pale, his sandy hair was completely unkempt and the dark circles under his eyes looked like he hadn't slept for weeks. His green eyes stared dully back at him, making him look as if he were much older instead of his seventeen year old self.  
He was a _wreck._  
His brother's death absolutely ruined him. He had drunken every night after it happened, often waking up with a hangover that lasted for days. He gave up on his appearance, even neglecting to comb back his 'hero hair' for a few days. He had even avoided his friends for the last four months, never picking up when Caroline called, and just abandoning Elena.  
Until one day, she had shown up at his doorstep in tears.  
He remembered that day; he had been nearly tempted to just close the door and move on, but his heart screamed at him to let her in and to take her in his arms.  
At the end, he let her in and gave her a drink. After talking for a bit, someone kissed the other and here they were now: a full three months of using sex as a way to get over grief. It was stupid, shallow and something they would never have done. But they had.  
He never took her in his arms again, though. That was a privilege reserved for Damon, not him. He wasn't allowed to do that to his brother.  
Then again, sleeping with her was worse.  
No matter; she was gone now. She was out of his hair and she had gone back to Whitmore.  
But this was still completely and utterly-

Wrong.  
The whole thing was so wrong.  
Elena thought about it all on her way back to Whitmore. This was so unhealthy! The old Elena probably would've smacked her across the head to knock in some sense. Come to think of it, why did she ever think this was a good idea? This was completely unlike her; it was something she never had done, never _would_ have done.  
Oh, but she had.  
Last summer, when she thought that Stefan had completely abandoned Mystic Falls and her completely, she had rolled around in bed for three months straight. She had convinced herself back then that she did it because she was in love with Damon. Even if she wasn't, she was now, so that made it even worse.  
"I'm sorry, Damon. I truly am," she began saying to nothing. "I don't know how this started and I don't understand what's going on. I'm sorry."  
Truth be told, she had a small inkling of what was going on, but she refused to admit it to herself at all. What she had done-all of it-and what she...  
No.  
No, those were things that should and would stay buried deeply inside her at all costs. Those things were to never see the light of day. Besides, they would probably go away now that she wouldn't be seeing Stefan for a while now. Her wrongdoings and unfaithfulness would be hidden away and her feelings would be erased.  
 _You are just like Katherine. While she was with Stefan, she busied herself with Damon and vice versa. You're with Damon, yet you slept with Stefan._ Repeatedly. _So what makes you any different from the vampire you referred to as a bitch for sharing the Salvatores when you did exactly that? Before all this too. Just a day after your breakup with Stefan and you jump right into bed with Damon. Damon is dead for a few weeks and go right back at it with Stefan. The old you would have never done that. The old you was so faithful; she was as loyal as a dog is to its owner. But now you're the escaped dog that's loyal to no one but herself, who cares about no one but herself. What happened to you?  
_ There it was. The very question she was asking herself for months and two years on end. What happened to her? What happened to the girl she once was?  
The answer? She had no idea. All that time, she wondered: what happened to the old Elena?  
Elena sighed. She always came up with the same answer; an answer that she despised.  
 _The old Elena is dead. The accident didn't kill her and neither did the sire bond. I killed her. And the blood she left will never be cleaned from my hands no matter how hard I try._

* * *

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong _wrong_.  
The word danced in Stefan's mind all day. Yet, he didn't feel much regret about what he-they-had done. While he didn't feel proud enough to run down the streets yelling, "I slept with Elena Gilbert for three months straight," he strangely didn't feel like beating himself up over the matter either. There was guilt, but there wasn't a lot of it like he was used to there being. Was this how Damon had felt whenever he got Elena to kiss him back? When he had slept with her a mere _day_ after she and Stefan had broken up or how whenever he was out of the picture for just a second, Damon tempted his chances?  
No, he shouldn't feel this way. Yet...how many times had Damon done the same? Stefan had hated himself last year for still wanting to be with Elena, but Damon gladly took the advantage in Stefan's leave of absence with Klaus to get closer to her.  
But he wasn't Damon. Summer was over now, and he would forget about what happened between him and his ex-girlfriend for good.

Her guilt was the colour of darkness as it loomed over her. That seemed to be the theme of her mental state today: guilt. Guilt over what she did with Stefan and how she felt as she did it, guilt over the fact that she felt a small something for him-  
Wait, what?  
She felt something for Stefan? But...but she couldn't! It was wrong!  
No. She didn't feel a single thing for him. Not anymore. Those feeling stopped a while back.  
But why? Why had feelings as strong as the ones she had for him suddenly have to disappear in the blink of an eye?  
God, what was she rambling on about now? It was a simple question for herself, did she still feel something for Stefan, or didn't she?  
No, she wasn't going to answer that today. Her mind was distraught enough. She didn't need any additional worries.  
But one crept up on her anyways.  
For the longest time, Stefan was not just her love, but her best friend. Even after it all, he was a friend to her. He listened to her ramblings and sometimes even offered up advice that he'd picked up from his 150 year old existence.  
Had she destroyed the one good bond with Stefan that she had left?  
Oh God. She had, hadn't she?  
Running a hand through her hair, she realized that she hadn't just lost Bonnie and Damon that summer. No, she lost Stefan too. Her friend, her boyfriend _once upon a time_ , her love more recent than _once upon a time_...  
Her thoughts halted as if a red light shone brightly in her mind.  
 _That_ was why she was feeling so bad about everything. Well, more bad than usual.  
This was terrible.  
She put her head in her hands before getting up from her bed to grab her phone. She quickly found the number she was looking for and called.  
"Everything okay, Elena?"  
"Not really, Ric. I just...I've made a lot of mistakes this summer and I'm feeling things that I...I don't want to feel anymore. I guess what I'm trying to ask you is if you can erase my memory of loving Damon."  
"What? Elena-" he replied loudly.  
"No! Don't fight me on this! This is something I need to do. I'm sick of this guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in love with the wrong person."  
"What are you talking about? Is this about Damon?"  
She didn't feel like denying herself anymore. "Yes. It's about Damon and the fact that I feel like there's something in me that wants to be with his brother."  
There was no reply until a very breathless, "What?"  
"So you get why I need to do this. At least, until we find a way to bring him back. If we do, then the feeling will disappear and I'll remember."

 **I know, this feels incredibly short. It does for me too, but the actual episode doesn't help me very much either. Also, as you can see, this Stelena writing is quite different than what I normally do, as in it's a bit more mature. Mainly because I want to separate this from _Stay With Me._ Trying it out, tell me if you like it and maybe I'll incorporate some more mature or darker stuff in my other stories. And yes, I know that it's REALLY out of character for Stefan and (to a lesser extent) Elena to do something like grief sex, but that's why the main theme of this chapter is guilt. Trust me, if you want me to continue, it'll (hopefully) get better :D**


	2. Author's Note

**Hey guys. As you can tell, this isn't exactly a proper update, but there is something I need to say about this story. I know that a lot of you were looking forward to a season six Stelena rewrite after the mess that played on TV, but right now isn't the best time for me to be writing this story.**

 **Let me explain.**

 **When I started this story, I was totally ready to try and make this as great as "Stay With Me," but it just didn't end up like that. I've been trying to do a chapter two for a long while, but I just can't find the motivation and/or inspiration for it. It got to the point where I dreaded trying to update this story, which I definitely never wanted.**

 **Writing Stelena in general has been quite difficult for me lately. Without any new material, like I said, I have no inspiration. I won't stop writing Stelena, but as of right now, I probably won't work on any multi chapter Stelena stories other than "Love Sucks." I do have a planned one-shot or two, but other than those, I'm taking a minor break from this story.**

 **I hope that someday I'll be able to continue this story the way I always planned to, but as of now, I have to put a pause on this.**

 **I'm sorry.**


End file.
